Like it feels like a whole piece of something fell out of your life?
[Haha. Yeah.]
I'm used to war. Like...that was my lifeblood. Being summoned like this, just to interact with people...I kinda realized I had no idea how to do so. Never really had the time for it, or wanted it. It was always just time for another fight.
[...]
But you're happier now, aren't you? You have Adora.
[the painfully honest answer is probably not very comforting, but it's true. she has Adora. Adora has forgiven her, welcomed her back in her life, and yet. . . she still isn't sure she belongs]
Are you happier? Not fighting, just-- interacting with people?
...It's tough, some days. Sometimes, I get in my head, and I think of all the things I'm doing wrong with everyone.
[Because now, after all his failures, he just has to accept there's more coming. Why wouldn't there be? He's a third-rate. Useless.]
[He succeeded in nothing.]
But... [And a light smile to her.] When I get over my fears, and just talk with people...honestly, it's nice. To know there are people who look out for me. And there are people I can call friends. I've never had anything like it before. I don't think I'd change it for the world.
[there's something painfully familiar about what he says. when he admits that sometimes he gets stuck in his own thoughts and can't think of anything else but the things he's done wrong. it's-- a state of mind that she's been in far too many times to count]
[. . .]
[but instead of opening up to those feelings like an emotionally healthy person, she says. . .]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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She is the one who talked about murdering people in one's sleep.
[so. you know?? that's not surprising??]
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[MANWOL??]
Um, but. Well, who knows. Sakyou could've done this, too. I think this writing is Japanese...but it's only a guess.
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I guess it doesn't really matter.
[. . .]
. . . we don't really do things like this for those who die back home.
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[And a nod, after a moment.]
Let me guess. Because it's war?
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No time to mourn when it's war.
[besides, having FEELINGS in the Horde makes one WEAK]
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[Grief into anger, anger into fury, fury into bloody rewards. It's how it is.]
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. . .
What kind of war were you fighting?
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All my life, I knew war.
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. . . yeah. Me too.
[she says casually, like it's nbd]
I was part of the invading army. Something something, wanting to take over the entire universe, something.
You know how it goes.
[DON'T SOUND SO NONCHALANT ABOUT THAT CATRA]
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[Like?? Kind of surprised but kind of just. Letting this go. This place is weird. People are weird. What's new.]
You say that in the past tense, though...
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. . . yeah. Obviously, I'm not-- with him anymore.
[though as she says that, she idly rubs at the back of her neck]
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[He leans in to bump his shoulder against hers.]
Does it feel strange not working for him?
[Whoever him is.]
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Yeah. In a way. . . yeah. I mean. . .
[a helpless shrug]
I spent my whole life with the Horde. Not being with them is. . . I don't know.
[it does kind of feel like she's still finding her purpose, her place, her niche in life]
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[Haha. Yeah.]
I'm used to war. Like...that was my lifeblood. Being summoned like this, just to interact with people...I kinda realized I had no idea how to do so. Never really had the time for it, or wanted it. It was always just time for another fight.
[...]
But you're happier now, aren't you? You have Adora.
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I don't know.
[the painfully honest answer is probably not very comforting, but it's true. she has Adora. Adora has forgiven her, welcomed her back in her life, and yet. . . she still isn't sure she belongs]
Are you happier? Not fighting, just-- interacting with people?
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[Because now, after all his failures, he just has to accept there's more coming. Why wouldn't there be? He's a third-rate. Useless.]
[He succeeded in nothing.]
But... [And a light smile to her.] When I get over my fears, and just talk with people...honestly, it's nice. To know there are people who look out for me. And there are people I can call friends. I've never had anything like it before. I don't think I'd change it for the world.
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[there's something painfully familiar about what he says. when he admits that sometimes he gets stuck in his own thoughts and can't think of anything else but the things he's done wrong. it's-- a state of mind that she's been in far too many times to count]
[. . .]
[but instead of opening up to those feelings like an emotionally healthy person, she says. . .]
You sound super dorky right now, you know?
[HE'S SO SAPPY IT'S CUTE]
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[He'll huff, as if offended, and give her a light playful smack on the shoulder.]
I'm just sayin' how I feel. Come on.