[COUGH HACK CHOKE WHEEZE SHE'S DYING-- no okay she's fine, she just has to take a moment to catch her breath. her ribs are still injured so this choking thing is no doing her any favors, and when she speaks, her voice is a little raspy??]
I'm-- fine!
[breathe, Catra! breathe! breathe through the way your heart drowns out literally every single sound in this cafeteria!!]
W. . . [it takes her a moment, but when she can formulate full sentences again, she does]
This... is even harder to share than Adora's affection for Catra. This... digs deeply into her insecurities, in a way that she never wanted to see the light of day.
But whatever's keeping her tongue loose isn't done with her yet, and so she can't seem to help but pour out her feelings, eyes squeezed shut in equal bits mortification and frustration.]
I--don't deserve to feel this way about you. I know that I don't. So... I'm sorry.
After everything that I've done to you, after all of the ways I've hurt you... I'm still dumping these feelings on you.
And--even though I have to be She-ra, and I can't focus on things like this, I'm still...!
[... Still, she feels this way.
Still, she's telling Catra, and forcing her to hold some of that burden.]
[Adora, hopelessly and wholeheartedly dedicated to her mission. Adora, the hero, the chosen one, the one who would always go willingly into her destiny. Adora, who followed her heart wherever it led, dragging everyone who cared for her in its wake]
[. . . sometime in a way that still stung. that still brings up feelings of betrayal and abandonment, echoes of the fear tattoo that graced her back just the other week. the pounding in her ears, the light butterflies in her stomach. . . they fade a bit, and her fingers curl tightly around her smoothie glass]
. . . you "can't?"
[she echoes, voice quiet but tense. the rest of it matters, but in this moment, not as much as that one word does. can't.]
You. . . tell me something like this, and then say-- because of She-ra-- that you can't?
[Catra's tense voice is plain, and it makes Adora flinch. She knew saying all of this was a bad idea. She knew Catra deserves better than this. She's always known that.
So why couldn't she help herself?
They were finally starting to... find common ground again...!
Adora can't really say anything to defend herself. Instead, she hangs her head.]
I... I know. I'm sorry. You deserve so much better than this. [Than her, than She-ra.]
[honestly, under normal circumstances, this would be the point in the conversation where Catra would flounce. clearly Adora has made her choice-- She-ra over Catra. She-ra over Adora, even. how can she hope to compete with that. . .? but there's something still squirming inside of her, all the more powerful now in the wake of that bombshell. it roots her to her spot, even though she's holding her smoothie so tightly now that her claws are now beginning to leave little grooves in the glass]
[and just as feared. . . the words come before she can stop them, like a waterfall]
You don't get it, Adora.
[her voice is still strained, and her face feels hot as her ears dip even lower, flat against her head]
And you don't. . . you don't listen to me when I say that it doesn't always have to be you. Why is it a choice in the first place? She-ra, or your own happiness? She-ra, or what you want?
Why can't you just. . . [frustration is bubbling into her tone now] Why can't you let yourself be happy? Why do you always have to worry about everyone else!
[Honestly, this was kind of the point where Adora was expecting Catra to shut herself off, and to bail on the conversation. She doesn't want her to, but history is a strong teacher.
But Catra doesn't.
Instead... Catra finally speaks to her, and Adora can't help but stare at her, mouth slightly agape.]
Catra...?
[She's right, of course. She's right about all of it. It's always Adora putting She-ra first, regardless of her own happiness. But...]
I... I can't... just not do that. Someone has to be She-ra, and... I guess it's my destiny to be that.
[There's no pride in that. The word's spat with venom, more than anything.
Adora hates this destiny, even though She-ra has brought her to the best friends she could ever ask for. She hates that she can't be anything but She-ra, in the end.]
I don't... have a choice. [She's just a random girl who randomly ended up on Etheria, and was able to use the sword.
[in an instant Catra is on her feet, bracing herself with fingers splayed across the table]
Of course you do!
[there's something desperate, almost pleading in her tone now. because as much as Adora admitting that she cared for Catra more than she would a normal friend is a fantasy given birth, Adora's happiness-- regardless of Catra's wants-- is paramount, here]
[and it. . . stings, in a way similar to the lingering echoes of betrayal, to see Adora making herself so. . . so miserable. all for a destiny she had never even asked for in the first place, even if she dove headfirst into it while leaving the rest of her old life behind]
And I'm not telling you to stop being She-ra, to stop fighting the Horde, or-- or any of that! I'm just saying, that for once-- for once in your life-- you can choose to let yourself be happy! Can't you?
[she slumps a little bit, chest tight, and not just with bruised rib pain]
All this time, she's been certain she can't. That being She-ra doesn't leave space for Adora. That the world needs She-ra anyway, so it's fine if it's Adora who's tossed to the side, because at least She-ra can save the world.
At least She-ra can save the people she loves.
But Catra's here, looking miserable, voice so upset, and she's upset because of Adora, and the words Adora's saying, and--
With the need to be truthful still running through her veins, all Adora can whisper rawly, sincerely, is:]
I... I want to... [She just doesn't know if she can.
She doesn't know if She-ra will give her the strength to do that. But if Adora could have one single thing, one sliver of happiness... it would be this.]
[and there it is. a tiny sliver of hope. enough to alleviate the tension in Catra's shoulders, to get her ears to perk up a little more. her chest still feels tight and her face hot and the corners of her eyes sting ever so slightly, but. . . Adora has given her something]
[and she can work with that]
[she lifts her good hand to rub at her yes as she sits down again, tail curling behind her]
So try.
[it's a request, not a command. try. for her own sake. . . for Adora's sake. . . try to be happy]
Don't tell me something so big and then say that you can't.
Catra's... trying, she's trying so hard for Adora's sake too, and Adora winces, dragging in a slow breath. She still doesn't know--what if this all falls apart the moment she goes home, when she has to be She-ra again?
But... all Catra's asking for is for her to try, and that's so little to ask for after everything.
What does Adora want? Adora wants--]
I want... to go on a date with you this week. [AHA.
they are kind of already on a date
don't bring that up.]
I want to... to be able to be with you, Catra. To just--live our lives. Together.
[Is...that okay? Is that enough? Is it okay for her to want this, even knowing everything?]
[for Catra, whose only wish in the entire world was for this exact same thing. . . it's more than enough]
[the rest of her ire melts away, relief flooding her expression when Adora actually listens, actually says what it is she wants rather than what it is she thinks she has to do. She-ra isn't here, so it's not an issue that either of them can tackle head on right now, but. . .]
[for now, in this very moment, this short-lived but precious moment, they can have this]
. . . okay.
[time to act cool Catra!! time to act super cool!!!]
[the words are still there, still fighting to come out, the urge to spill them so strong that Catra has to suck in a sharp breath to stop herself from speaking. but despite the extra push she has from. . . whatever force this is that is making her be honest for a change, she swallows them back. and instead. . .]
[. . . okay. okay! despite the hiccup, this is. . . happening! it's happening!! it's happening and Catra finds herself perking up a bit, ears swiveling forward]
Okay. Yeah. Okay. I mean-- sure, it doesn't really matter, as long as it's just us, but-- like. You know.
It should be at least a little-- what do they call it?
Romantic, or something.
[IT'S FINE IT'S COOL SHE'S PLAYING IT COOL, HER CHEEKS ARE TOTALLY NOT RED]
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Catra?! Are you okay?
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I'm-- fine!
[breathe, Catra! breathe! breathe through the way your heart drowns out literally every single sound in this cafeteria!!]
W. . . [it takes her a moment, but when she can formulate full sentences again, she does]
What do you mean-- you're sorry??
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This... is even harder to share than Adora's affection for Catra. This... digs deeply into her insecurities, in a way that she never wanted to see the light of day.
But whatever's keeping her tongue loose isn't done with her yet, and so she can't seem to help but pour out her feelings, eyes squeezed shut in equal bits mortification and frustration.]
I--don't deserve to feel this way about you. I know that I don't. So... I'm sorry.
After everything that I've done to you, after all of the ways I've hurt you... I'm still dumping these feelings on you.
And--even though I have to be She-ra, and I can't focus on things like this, I'm still...!
[... Still, she feels this way.
Still, she's telling Catra, and forcing her to hold some of that burden.]
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[that tracks, actually]
[Adora, hopelessly and wholeheartedly dedicated to her mission. Adora, the hero, the chosen one, the one who would always go willingly into her destiny. Adora, who followed her heart wherever it led, dragging everyone who cared for her in its wake]
[. . . sometime in a way that still stung. that still brings up feelings of betrayal and abandonment, echoes of the fear tattoo that graced her back just the other week. the pounding in her ears, the light butterflies in her stomach. . . they fade a bit, and her fingers curl tightly around her smoothie glass]
. . . you "can't?"
[she echoes, voice quiet but tense. the rest of it matters, but in this moment, not as much as that one word does. can't.]
You. . . tell me something like this, and then say-- because of She-ra-- that you can't?
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[Catra's tense voice is plain, and it makes Adora flinch. She knew saying all of this was a bad idea. She knew Catra deserves better than this. She's always known that.
So why couldn't she help herself?
They were finally starting to... find common ground again...!
Adora can't really say anything to defend herself. Instead, she hangs her head.]
I... I know. I'm sorry. You deserve so much better than this. [Than her, than She-ra.]
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[and just as feared. . . the words come before she can stop them, like a waterfall]
You don't get it, Adora.
[her voice is still strained, and her face feels hot as her ears dip even lower, flat against her head]
And you don't. . . you don't listen to me when I say that it doesn't always have to be you. Why is it a choice in the first place? She-ra, or your own happiness? She-ra, or what you want?
Why can't you just. . . [frustration is bubbling into her tone now] Why can't you let yourself be happy? Why do you always have to worry about everyone else!
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But Catra doesn't.
Instead... Catra finally speaks to her, and Adora can't help but stare at her, mouth slightly agape.]
Catra...?
[She's right, of course. She's right about all of it. It's always Adora putting She-ra first, regardless of her own happiness. But...]
I... I can't... just not do that. Someone has to be She-ra, and... I guess it's my destiny to be that.
[There's no pride in that. The word's spat with venom, more than anything.
Adora hates this destiny, even though She-ra has brought her to the best friends she could ever ask for. She hates that she can't be anything but She-ra, in the end.]
I don't... have a choice. [She's just a random girl who randomly ended up on Etheria, and was able to use the sword.
That's it. But because she can... she has to.]
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Of course you do!
[there's something desperate, almost pleading in her tone now. because as much as Adora admitting that she cared for Catra more than she would a normal friend is a fantasy given birth, Adora's happiness-- regardless of Catra's wants-- is paramount, here]
[and it. . . stings, in a way similar to the lingering echoes of betrayal, to see Adora making herself so. . . so miserable. all for a destiny she had never even asked for in the first place, even if she dove headfirst into it while leaving the rest of her old life behind]
And I'm not telling you to stop being She-ra, to stop fighting the Horde, or-- or any of that! I'm just saying, that for once-- for once in your life-- you can choose to let yourself be happy! Can't you?
[she slumps a little bit, chest tight, and not just with bruised rib pain]
. . . can't you?
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All this time, she's been certain she can't. That being She-ra doesn't leave space for Adora. That the world needs She-ra anyway, so it's fine if it's Adora who's tossed to the side, because at least She-ra can save the world.
At least She-ra can save the people she loves.
But Catra's here, looking miserable, voice so upset, and she's upset because of Adora, and the words Adora's saying, and--
With the need to be truthful still running through her veins, all Adora can whisper rawly, sincerely, is:]
I... I want to... [She just doesn't know if she can.
She doesn't know if She-ra will give her the strength to do that. But if Adora could have one single thing, one sliver of happiness... it would be this.]
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[and she can work with that]
[she lifts her good hand to rub at her yes as she sits down again, tail curling behind her]
So try.
[it's a request, not a command. try. for her own sake. . . for Adora's sake. . . try to be happy]
Don't tell me something so big and then say that you can't.
Tell me what it is you want.
[DO IT RIGHT ADORA!!]
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Catra's... trying, she's trying so hard for Adora's sake too, and Adora winces, dragging in a slow breath. She still doesn't know--what if this all falls apart the moment she goes home, when she has to be She-ra again?
But... all Catra's asking for is for her to try, and that's so little to ask for after everything.
What does Adora want? Adora wants--]
I want... to go on a date with you this week. [AHA.
they are kind of already on a date
don't bring that up.]
I want to... to be able to be with you, Catra. To just--live our lives. Together.
[Is...that okay? Is that enough? Is it okay for her to want this, even knowing everything?]
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[the rest of her ire melts away, relief flooding her expression when Adora actually listens, actually says what it is she wants rather than what it is she thinks she has to do. She-ra isn't here, so it's not an issue that either of them can tackle head on right now, but. . .]
[for now, in this very moment, this short-lived but precious moment, they can have this]
. . . okay.
[time to act cool Catra!! time to act super cool!!!]
Then let's go. Just you and me.
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She can't, in good conscience, just ignore it.
So, weakly, she smiles too, and:]
... Are you sure this is okay? [Because if things go badly back home, it'll be Catra who's hurt again.]
1/3
Adora-- [and now she's back!! to being!! exasperated!!]
Don't you get it? The only thing I've ever wanted is--!
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[the words are still there, still fighting to come out, the urge to spill them so strong that Catra has to suck in a sharp breath to stop herself from speaking. but despite the extra push she has from. . . whatever force this is that is making her be honest for a change, she swallows them back. and instead. . .]
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Of course it's okay. Okay? Because I also--
[. . .]
I want--
[PLEASE!! OUT WITH IT!!!]
. . . I want it, too.
["it" being "THE DATE"]
[1/3]
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[3/3]
... Really? I mean--uh. Then--! Yeah! Let's... go on a date! Right now! Wherever doesn't really matter to me, I just... wanna. Y'know. Go with you.
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Okay. Yeah. Okay. I mean-- sure, it doesn't really matter, as long as it's just us, but-- like. You know.
It should be at least a little-- what do they call it?
Romantic, or something.
[IT'S FINE IT'S COOL SHE'S PLAYING IT COOL, HER CHEEKS ARE TOTALLY NOT RED]
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Uh huh? Romantic? Sounds good to me. Like what kinda romance? We could, uh...
[what's romantic]
... what's something you've always wanted to do?
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Uh.
[a beat]
[. . . and then she grins, one of her patented wicked Catra-is-up-to-something grins]
Steal one of the farm vehicles.
[THE FARM UTV]
[HOW IS THAT ROMANTIC]
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but like
also... the parallels... it feels like old times.
Adora pauses... and then shrugs.]
Yeah, okay. Let's do it.
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Bet I can finish my smoothie before you.
[TIME TO CHUG THIS THING AND GET BRAIN FREEZE]
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[CHUG CHUG CHUG
the real question is who gets a brain freeze first.]
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