[she doesn't know why! she just likes them!! . . . it's cuz she can sip on them ironically when talking to people]
Spring's, actually. The others aren't bad, but Spring's is the best.
[anyway Catra is limping pretty heavily still, because walking on this injured leg is not. very. smart of her?? but she does seem to be doing slightly better than she was the previous week immediately after her being injured]
[gives her a flat expression, but! they're at Inside Scoop now, so she guesses?? it'll wait?? until after they order??]
[. . . the flat expression is melting a bit as she turns to do just that, tail flicking behind her as her features melt into something softer. a little more fond??]
[... She'll take that. She's still afraid that if she talks, what'll come out are all of those feelings she's been keeping pent up for all of this time, so she just makes a face in return, before she focuses on ordering.
It's only when they're at a table, tucked away from prying eyes, that she can finally consider saying anything.
But now that she's here... she just stares down at her smoothie, lips pressed together. This... this is actually very scary! She trusts Catra, trusts her with her life, but...
[ordering the smoothies and choosing a place to sit occurs without issue, but. . . Adora isn't the only one who feels like she's bursting to the seams with things unsaid. things that, for some reason, feel so close to the tip of Catra's tongue, like if she opens her mouth to say literally anything at all the words will fall out before she can stop them. they've always been there, niggling at the back of her brain, sending her heart pounding in her ears and her blood rushing to her cheeks. but she always felt so in control of them before!1 like. . . she knew better than to say them, when things were still so freshly repaired. so fragile. so. . . new]
[so when they sit. . . Catra fidgets a little bit as well, tail lashing back and forth behind her as she runs her claws across the edge of her smoothie glass. despite her obvious own set of nerves, she keeps her expression cool and calm, a smile still tugging at her lips]
[. . .]
. . .
[anyway all this manifests in her kind of staring at Adora now, good job Catra]
Adora's always been bad at sitting still; she's extra bad at it when she feels like she's going to explode if she doesn't say the words at the tip of her tongue, and even more so when Catra is staring at her with that smirk on her face.
[COUGH HACK CHOKE WHEEZE SHE'S DYING-- no okay she's fine, she just has to take a moment to catch her breath. her ribs are still injured so this choking thing is no doing her any favors, and when she speaks, her voice is a little raspy??]
I'm-- fine!
[breathe, Catra! breathe! breathe through the way your heart drowns out literally every single sound in this cafeteria!!]
W. . . [it takes her a moment, but when she can formulate full sentences again, she does]
This... is even harder to share than Adora's affection for Catra. This... digs deeply into her insecurities, in a way that she never wanted to see the light of day.
But whatever's keeping her tongue loose isn't done with her yet, and so she can't seem to help but pour out her feelings, eyes squeezed shut in equal bits mortification and frustration.]
I--don't deserve to feel this way about you. I know that I don't. So... I'm sorry.
After everything that I've done to you, after all of the ways I've hurt you... I'm still dumping these feelings on you.
And--even though I have to be She-ra, and I can't focus on things like this, I'm still...!
[... Still, she feels this way.
Still, she's telling Catra, and forcing her to hold some of that burden.]
[Adora, hopelessly and wholeheartedly dedicated to her mission. Adora, the hero, the chosen one, the one who would always go willingly into her destiny. Adora, who followed her heart wherever it led, dragging everyone who cared for her in its wake]
[. . . sometime in a way that still stung. that still brings up feelings of betrayal and abandonment, echoes of the fear tattoo that graced her back just the other week. the pounding in her ears, the light butterflies in her stomach. . . they fade a bit, and her fingers curl tightly around her smoothie glass]
. . . you "can't?"
[she echoes, voice quiet but tense. the rest of it matters, but in this moment, not as much as that one word does. can't.]
You. . . tell me something like this, and then say-- because of She-ra-- that you can't?
[Catra's tense voice is plain, and it makes Adora flinch. She knew saying all of this was a bad idea. She knew Catra deserves better than this. She's always known that.
So why couldn't she help herself?
They were finally starting to... find common ground again...!
Adora can't really say anything to defend herself. Instead, she hangs her head.]
I... I know. I'm sorry. You deserve so much better than this. [Than her, than She-ra.]
[honestly, under normal circumstances, this would be the point in the conversation where Catra would flounce. clearly Adora has made her choice-- She-ra over Catra. She-ra over Adora, even. how can she hope to compete with that. . .? but there's something still squirming inside of her, all the more powerful now in the wake of that bombshell. it roots her to her spot, even though she's holding her smoothie so tightly now that her claws are now beginning to leave little grooves in the glass]
[and just as feared. . . the words come before she can stop them, like a waterfall]
You don't get it, Adora.
[her voice is still strained, and her face feels hot as her ears dip even lower, flat against her head]
And you don't. . . you don't listen to me when I say that it doesn't always have to be you. Why is it a choice in the first place? She-ra, or your own happiness? She-ra, or what you want?
Why can't you just. . . [frustration is bubbling into her tone now] Why can't you let yourself be happy? Why do you always have to worry about everyone else!
[Honestly, this was kind of the point where Adora was expecting Catra to shut herself off, and to bail on the conversation. She doesn't want her to, but history is a strong teacher.
But Catra doesn't.
Instead... Catra finally speaks to her, and Adora can't help but stare at her, mouth slightly agape.]
Catra...?
[She's right, of course. She's right about all of it. It's always Adora putting She-ra first, regardless of her own happiness. But...]
I... I can't... just not do that. Someone has to be She-ra, and... I guess it's my destiny to be that.
[There's no pride in that. The word's spat with venom, more than anything.
Adora hates this destiny, even though She-ra has brought her to the best friends she could ever ask for. She hates that she can't be anything but She-ra, in the end.]
I don't... have a choice. [She's just a random girl who randomly ended up on Etheria, and was able to use the sword.
[in an instant Catra is on her feet, bracing herself with fingers splayed across the table]
Of course you do!
[there's something desperate, almost pleading in her tone now. because as much as Adora admitting that she cared for Catra more than she would a normal friend is a fantasy given birth, Adora's happiness-- regardless of Catra's wants-- is paramount, here]
[and it. . . stings, in a way similar to the lingering echoes of betrayal, to see Adora making herself so. . . so miserable. all for a destiny she had never even asked for in the first place, even if she dove headfirst into it while leaving the rest of her old life behind]
And I'm not telling you to stop being She-ra, to stop fighting the Horde, or-- or any of that! I'm just saying, that for once-- for once in your life-- you can choose to let yourself be happy! Can't you?
[she slumps a little bit, chest tight, and not just with bruised rib pain]
All this time, she's been certain she can't. That being She-ra doesn't leave space for Adora. That the world needs She-ra anyway, so it's fine if it's Adora who's tossed to the side, because at least She-ra can save the world.
At least She-ra can save the people she loves.
But Catra's here, looking miserable, voice so upset, and she's upset because of Adora, and the words Adora's saying, and--
With the need to be truthful still running through her veins, all Adora can whisper rawly, sincerely, is:]
I... I want to... [She just doesn't know if she can.
She doesn't know if She-ra will give her the strength to do that. But if Adora could have one single thing, one sliver of happiness... it would be this.]
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Why does this feel so exciting.
They always eat breakfast together.
Ahem.]
Great! I mean. Yeah. That sounds... sounds great. Let's do it.
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Let's see what the cafeteria has in store for us! Something way better than what they served in the Horde, right?
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Yeah, literally everything here is better than what they gave us in the Horde.
You got any favorites yet?
[Time to head towards the cafeteria!! With Adora supporting her still recovering not-girlfriend as much as she'll allow, naturally.]
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[she doesn't know why! she just likes them!! . . . it's cuz she can sip on them ironically when talking to people]
Spring's, actually. The others aren't bad, but Spring's is the best.
[anyway Catra is limping pretty heavily still, because walking on this injured leg is not. very. smart of her?? but she does seem to be doing slightly better than she was the previous week immediately after her being injured]
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Maybe that's why Spring's winning. Because you keep buying their smoothies.
[She does not actually think that, she's teasing.]
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Yeah, I highly doubt that. You know the overall winner of this dumb "dorm wars" thing doesn't matter to me, anyway.
[though she is trying b/c Viola wants to win, so!]
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[The only thing that matters is getting out of here in one piece and getting home.
(And saving everyone else).]
Soooo...
[.......... spit it out, Adora.]
No, never mind, it should wait for smoothies. Breakfast smoothies.
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Sooooooo. . . what? I'd ask if you're not hungry, but you're never not hungry.
[SHE KNOWS HOW ADORA IS]
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And then makes elaborate hand gestures that kind of translate to:
SMOOTHIES FIRST.]
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[gives her a flat expression, but! they're at Inside Scoop now, so she guesses?? it'll wait?? until after they order??]
[. . . the flat expression is melting a bit as she turns to do just that, tail flicking behind her as her features melt into something softer. a little more fond??]
You're so weird.
[IT'S NOT AN INSULT]
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It's only when they're at a table, tucked away from prying eyes, that she can finally consider saying anything.
But now that she's here... she just stares down at her smoothie, lips pressed together. This... this is actually very scary! She trusts Catra, trusts her with her life, but...
She's never said any of this to anyone.]
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[so when they sit. . . Catra fidgets a little bit as well, tail lashing back and forth behind her as she runs her claws across the edge of her smoothie glass. despite her obvious own set of nerves, she keeps her expression cool and calm, a smile still tugging at her lips]
[. . .]
. . .
[anyway all this manifests in her kind of staring at Adora now, good job Catra]
[1/2]
Adora's always been bad at sitting still; she's extra bad at it when she feels like she's going to explode if she doesn't say the words at the tip of her tongue, and even more so when Catra is staring at her with that smirk on her face.
... ... .... Mmmmmmmmmrrrrr.
Mmmmmmmrrrrrrrrrr.
.........]
Augh! Okay! I can't take it anymore!
[2/3 jk]
[Adora leans in, cheeks flushed, but expression blazingly, fiercely serious.]
I really--really...!
I want to-- I mean, I've been keeping this from you which isn't fair at all but it didn't seem fair to tell you so...!
[3/3]
She takes a deep breath.
Lets it out.
And in a rush:]
I really, really care about you. So much more than just--just as a friend. You're so much more important to me than I could ever say and I just...!
I'm sorry.
[wait what]
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[immediately chokes on her smoothie]
[listen i know what kind of romance cal likes. it's this kind of romance. it is. i promise you]
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Catra?! Are you okay?
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I'm-- fine!
[breathe, Catra! breathe! breathe through the way your heart drowns out literally every single sound in this cafeteria!!]
W. . . [it takes her a moment, but when she can formulate full sentences again, she does]
What do you mean-- you're sorry??
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This... is even harder to share than Adora's affection for Catra. This... digs deeply into her insecurities, in a way that she never wanted to see the light of day.
But whatever's keeping her tongue loose isn't done with her yet, and so she can't seem to help but pour out her feelings, eyes squeezed shut in equal bits mortification and frustration.]
I--don't deserve to feel this way about you. I know that I don't. So... I'm sorry.
After everything that I've done to you, after all of the ways I've hurt you... I'm still dumping these feelings on you.
And--even though I have to be She-ra, and I can't focus on things like this, I'm still...!
[... Still, she feels this way.
Still, she's telling Catra, and forcing her to hold some of that burden.]
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[that tracks, actually]
[Adora, hopelessly and wholeheartedly dedicated to her mission. Adora, the hero, the chosen one, the one who would always go willingly into her destiny. Adora, who followed her heart wherever it led, dragging everyone who cared for her in its wake]
[. . . sometime in a way that still stung. that still brings up feelings of betrayal and abandonment, echoes of the fear tattoo that graced her back just the other week. the pounding in her ears, the light butterflies in her stomach. . . they fade a bit, and her fingers curl tightly around her smoothie glass]
. . . you "can't?"
[she echoes, voice quiet but tense. the rest of it matters, but in this moment, not as much as that one word does. can't.]
You. . . tell me something like this, and then say-- because of She-ra-- that you can't?
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[Catra's tense voice is plain, and it makes Adora flinch. She knew saying all of this was a bad idea. She knew Catra deserves better than this. She's always known that.
So why couldn't she help herself?
They were finally starting to... find common ground again...!
Adora can't really say anything to defend herself. Instead, she hangs her head.]
I... I know. I'm sorry. You deserve so much better than this. [Than her, than She-ra.]
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[and just as feared. . . the words come before she can stop them, like a waterfall]
You don't get it, Adora.
[her voice is still strained, and her face feels hot as her ears dip even lower, flat against her head]
And you don't. . . you don't listen to me when I say that it doesn't always have to be you. Why is it a choice in the first place? She-ra, or your own happiness? She-ra, or what you want?
Why can't you just. . . [frustration is bubbling into her tone now] Why can't you let yourself be happy? Why do you always have to worry about everyone else!
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But Catra doesn't.
Instead... Catra finally speaks to her, and Adora can't help but stare at her, mouth slightly agape.]
Catra...?
[She's right, of course. She's right about all of it. It's always Adora putting She-ra first, regardless of her own happiness. But...]
I... I can't... just not do that. Someone has to be She-ra, and... I guess it's my destiny to be that.
[There's no pride in that. The word's spat with venom, more than anything.
Adora hates this destiny, even though She-ra has brought her to the best friends she could ever ask for. She hates that she can't be anything but She-ra, in the end.]
I don't... have a choice. [She's just a random girl who randomly ended up on Etheria, and was able to use the sword.
That's it. But because she can... she has to.]
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Of course you do!
[there's something desperate, almost pleading in her tone now. because as much as Adora admitting that she cared for Catra more than she would a normal friend is a fantasy given birth, Adora's happiness-- regardless of Catra's wants-- is paramount, here]
[and it. . . stings, in a way similar to the lingering echoes of betrayal, to see Adora making herself so. . . so miserable. all for a destiny she had never even asked for in the first place, even if she dove headfirst into it while leaving the rest of her old life behind]
And I'm not telling you to stop being She-ra, to stop fighting the Horde, or-- or any of that! I'm just saying, that for once-- for once in your life-- you can choose to let yourself be happy! Can't you?
[she slumps a little bit, chest tight, and not just with bruised rib pain]
. . . can't you?
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All this time, she's been certain she can't. That being She-ra doesn't leave space for Adora. That the world needs She-ra anyway, so it's fine if it's Adora who's tossed to the side, because at least She-ra can save the world.
At least She-ra can save the people she loves.
But Catra's here, looking miserable, voice so upset, and she's upset because of Adora, and the words Adora's saying, and--
With the need to be truthful still running through her veins, all Adora can whisper rawly, sincerely, is:]
I... I want to... [She just doesn't know if she can.
She doesn't know if She-ra will give her the strength to do that. But if Adora could have one single thing, one sliver of happiness... it would be this.]
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